What Would Bill Do?

     Many of us are blessed to have wise friends or mentors that keep 

us grounded - or at least try to do so.  They're fortresses in the midst

of chaos.  Yesterday, I could have used one.

    My bride and I had two separate disagreements that devolved into 

arguments which by nightfall were upgraded to Class 3 hurricanes with 

crushed spirits and remorse but no apologies .  The latter was uncommon

for us.  After a poor night of sleep  and lots of reflection, I realized my 

old friend Bill could have rescued us.  He would have listened very 

attentively.  Then he would have let out a long "Hmmm" followed by 

something simple like - "From what I've heard, it seems like each of you 

were mostly right." Then he would have asked a simple but thoroughly 

annoying question such as - "Did I just hear correctly that you both had 

major spats with your best friend over five minutes of waiting,  and one 

brief scene in a movie?" 

    As I stepped back  I would have realized he was right....  and then 

recognized that the proverbial slugfest we had endured, had way more 

to do with the particularly challenging stuff we were living through than

any wrongs committed by either of us.

     Sometimes it's even healthy to pretend that we have a wise friend to

bounce thoughts off of - some of their wisdom might still be with us,

even if they're not.

     

   

"You're Not Listening"

           

    Imagine that you were born into a conservative family in a conservative town, taught by many teachers who had rarely traveled more than 50 miles from home. Imagine hearing war stories from four out of five male family members and then watching a brother go off to Vietnam with the Marines.  Then imagine you became a 17 yo private pilot only to have your dreams of flying in the USAF crushed because of a pair of glasses.

    

     That was me, but my second dream was to become a doctor.  Instead of following in my father's and brother's footsteps, I became the black sheep of the family and went off to a liberal arts college for my undergrad education. To make matters worse for family relations, I learned to ANALYSE and QUESTION.  I had to read twenty books for one mandatory class the first term and learned that few things are as simple as they seem, and that truth often lies in the details.   

   

     Fast forward to 2022.  I'm frequently tempted to demean, if not despise, gullible people who believe anything and then pass on emotionally laden lies as fact.  However, if I had had perfect vision in high school, I could have easily become one of "them" - immersing myself in the same fear-mongering, anger provoking news and social media that so many well- intentioned people are addicted to.  Our own experiences, insight, intelligence, education, family, and local culture effect how we think, yet most of these aren't earned. Fellow Americans have different filters, but they are not our enemies, regardless of the pressure to believe so. Our challenge is to truly listen* to their concerns, and maybe dislodge the filter or two that are blinding them (or us) to reality. This is admittedly a difficult task, but our country's future is worth the effort.

   A wonderful book to help prime the pump is:

               "You're Not Listening" by Kate Murphy

     

 

Children Depend on US

      Up until recently, only a handful of depraved Americans would have ever 

argued that an individual's right to own anything was more sacred than the right

to life itself - especially that of our children. 

     

  Our Constitution features: "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness." 

These were considered unalienable rights  to be given by God and  protected 

by our new government. The second amendment  was an add-on, just like the 

other twenty-six. It was never meant to be a guiding principle for our country 

or the foundation for a twenty billion dollar gun industry.

    

Custom coffins for children by Trey Ganem

    

  Throughout our history, there have always been those who have looked the 

other way or even rationalized the suffering of groups of people different 

than themselves.  However, when any agenda becomes more important than 

our most basic instinct to protect young children, we've crossed a pathetic 

threshold. When our most precious citizens are massacred and the best our 

elected leaders can do is political posturing, we're witnessing the demise of 

our society. Mowing down young kids is only the tip of the iceberg, but if 

that preventable horror can't stir us to action, what can?

  Our survival demands genuine leaders who are more concerned with the safety 

and welfare of all Americans, than with stirring up their base to get more votes 

and power. And lest we not see it, guns are all about power, especially to those 

who feel powerless. No single leader can fix very complex societal problems 

on their own. However, a true servant of the people would be reaching across 

any aisle to develop policies that would decrease this plague of violence. We 

need servants of the people, not disciples of the gun lobby and the NRA. 

   Please elect leaders who prioritize the welfare of our children.

           They Depend on US!

    

The Opposite of Being Poor , is Having Enough .

     

    It's fair to say that there are countless ideas of what the words "poor" and "enough" mean.  I'm reminded of  the late Supreme Court Justice Potter  Steward when trying to define "pornography".  He famously said something like - "I'll know it when I see it".  

     Images and hot button topics quickly come to mind when we think of "poverty" - maybe news coverage from Africa or the slums in your nearest city, food stamps, the homeless guy with the cup or the child depending on school lunches for her daily nutrition.  

     How about the word "enough"?  That's a tough one because so few of us ponder what that actually is. Wealth and "enough" are rarely considered synonyms.  I've met and worked with lots of people who, by all appearances, were dirt poor.  Whether it was in Ethiopia, or all across the USA, sprinkled among these common folk were those who had enough.  Just enough food, shelter, faith, companionship, love,  peace of mind,  and sense of purpose.  They were an inspiring lot.

     On most days I really believe I have enough.  The older I get however, the more I lose sleep over two groups - those who truly don't have enough and those who will never think they have enough.

 

Time to Change the Conversation

                         

     Here in the United States our survival as a democracy is in serious jeopardy.  Fear, anger, and a sense of despair have enveloped our collective psyche.  We're directionless and no single human being can steer us out of this mess.  The best that we can hope for, is that a CRITICAL MASS of  Americans would work together to change our country's trajectory.  Kind of like putting "The Hundredth Monkey" principles that author Ken Keyes,  described - into action.

     Every citizen can point a blaming finger at someone else or some group.  It's quite easy and common to offer up overly simple solutions to very complex problems.  Band-aids have replaced the difficult work of identifying root causes of national crises.  We would much prefer to demonize and theorize than actually strategize - especially with those we're told are our enemies.  Mainstream media ratings and profits seem to be directly linked to the perpetuation of the "us and them" myth. 

     HOWEVER -  the last time I checked we are still -The UNITED States of America - and it is our duty to see that it stays that way. Anyone who has seriously pledged their allegiance to our flag has also vowed to support "...one nation under God, INDIVISIBLE with liberty and justice for all".   Social media and many news outlets have focused on that which divides at OUR expense whether or not we realize it.

      The status quo hasn't been working for everyday Americans.  Please note -dividing us is a tool that concentrates wealth and power - and guess who's been winning?

     Those who recognize that our country's problems are way bigger than politics and name calling, can take active parts in this dialog.  It's an enormous challenge but then again so is keeping a spirit of hope for our country in 2022.  Healing can't start until self-injury stops.

     To paraphrase Yogi Berra -

If you don't know where

    you want to go,

         You're not likely to get there.

     The path our nation has taken isn't sustainable.  I challenge YOU to share your DREAMS FOR AMERICA. 

     Let's start the conversation.

How would your America look different in 2035?

     

Chasing Our Higher Self

     

     Virtually every day we make choices.  A significant portion of these affect the direction our entire day or even future goes. Should I watch an extra ten minutes of news, start a wood-working project, watch some screen, or shine some light into a dark place?  We all make these types of choices and some of us struggle periodically as we make them.

     If we follow the trends perpetuated by swarms of highly vocal people, life could become simpler.  Do you repeat to yourself daily - "Whatever makes my life better is all that matters?"  We've all been there at times, but it seems that some people reside there.  Life might seem easier when we focus on ourselves, or even our tribe, but is it actually better?  As we focus on ourselves, it's only natural to think about what others have.... and is it at our expense?  This obviously makes us angry and fear-filled as we recognize we could lose even more to those outside our tribe.  (If only I could start a "News" network that could weaponize and monetize this fear-mongering.  I'd be rich or become president!  But I digress.) 

     In the early 1960's President John F. Kennedy was best known for his challenge to Americans: "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."  Over the next twenty years that morphed into Ronald Reagan's re-election campaign slogan: "Are you better off than four years ago?"  Fast forward to 2022,  we've lost all but a remnant of JFK's ideals.  Almost half the country is obsessed with personal freedoms, with complete disregard for the welfare of the most vulnerable in our midst.  As millions whine about losing their freedoms, on February 8th alone,  more Americans died from Covid complications  than from the terrorists attack on 9/11.  We fought two extremely long, bloody wars to make sure we'd  never have another attack like that and yet, nowadays many just callously accept thousands of needless deaths daily.  It's almost like a powerful voice is yelling: "Whine, whine and whine some more because you're being treated unfairly.   Nothing should trump YOUR freedoms."  

     Another 2300 Americans lost their lives yesterday.  Tiny acts of altruism would halve that number in six weeks, if we collectively chose to follow our higher selves.

A Hundred A Day - by Mark VL

 

   Her picture sets, upon my dresser.

          I can't look long, for my eyes overflow.

      I see Mom's mask, I know there's love there 

          but somehow the pain it never showed.

     I never knew the man she called "Dad".

          Word was he died, from some strange accident.

     But in Mom's last days, she said they'd argued -

                and that fight and that bottle were his last.

                      

                      WE never knew, the weight of guilt she carried

                             along with the armor of denial -

                      Mixed with the gin and the pills and such sadness

                              From fighting her personal war.

I read the papers - I see the obits,

     another young life lost "unexpectedly at home"

In our "Our Great Country", another hundred perish - every day,

     And so all alone.

                     Where is our outrage , what are we doing?

                           We're not even touching the sources of  pain.

                    Where are our hearts?  Our neighbors are dying

                           all we do is deny and blame.

The settings change, the anguish doesn't

     causes are many, complex beyond one stance.

To move the needle, we need conviction - 

     all our minds and resources not some trance.

               Where is our outrage, what are we doing?

                     If this were a war, we'd give it our best.

              We'd throw all our money, our best talents, spend our futures

                           no compromise, no rest.

I read the papers, I see the obits.  

           another young life - lost unexpectedly at home......

     

Trump Deserves Credit - He HAS Changed America

 

         

  FUN-LOVING AMERICAN TOURISTS VISITING THEIR CAPITAL

         Six years ago if an American presidential candidate was recorded saying he liked to grab women by their private parts, he would have immediately become a non-candidate.   

     Six years ago, anyone who made fun of people with disabilities was considered despicable.

     Six years ago, men like John McCain were considered heroes by virtually all Americans, except draft dodgers and avowed communists.

     Six years ago if any American leader said they trusted the words of a dictator over those of our own intelligence department, they would have been ousted.

     Six years ago Americans never labeled news from serious journalistic organizations as fake just because they didn't like it.  Educated people respected the expertise and objectivity of professionals, while acknowledging that there could be bad apples in some baskets.  Most people would have discouraged throwing away entire baskets without exhaustive research from knowledgeable sources.

     Six years ago if a politician had publicly announced dozens of times that he would release his tax returns as soon as possible, he would have lost all credibility if he spent many years and millions preventing their release.

     Six years ago politicians respected colleagues in their own party. No honorable person would ever blatantly threaten anyone.  No president ever ostracized those that didn't walk lock-step in line with them.  "Primarying someone" to discourage dissent wasn't a thing. No entire political party ever cowered in fear.

     Six years ago if  99 percent of  bipartisan polling places and the president's own Attorney General and his top election cyber-security guy all said he lost the election he would have offered a concession speech - not an attempted coup.

The BIG CLEANSE!

     Being of a certain age,  enables a person of means to undergo interesting experiences.  For example, the character-building process of preparing for a colonoscopy to rule out any pre-cancerous colon lesions.  Without going into unsavory details, let me just say there needs to be a thorough cleaning of the entire GI tract.   

     Let's, just for fun, pretend that I had to have such a test and that I was lamenting the whole process of fasting and then the grand flush.  Imagine that I was being just a little irritated that people would eat in front of me when I could have nothing.

     Then imagine that in the middle of this I got a letter from the International Rescue Committee requesting money for the many millions of refugees around the world who are living in dangerous and unfathomable conditions.  Things like clean drinking water, sanitation, adequate food, shelter, and healthcare are commodities that millions of people can only dream of - and diarrheal diseases in these crowded camps can kill hundreds of people per day.  And it's mainly children!  

     Every five years I get to wake up to what many people live with year round.

Virtues - Long Lost?

     When a wise person speaks against their own self-interest, listen to them.  Within their words lie things like altruism, courage, truth and

                                                         even HOPE.

      When a fool speaks - all bets are off.

         

 

Random Encounters - or are they?

     Way back in the last century, I hitch-hiked about 14,000 miles, exploring much of the United States.  It was the late 70's, right after I finished college, and the trip was a graduation present to myself.  What else could I do with the $100 I discovered like buried treasures within my graduation cards?  I spent most of the wad on a backpack, a sleeping bag, a small camp stove, and an orange pup-tent.  I still had a little reserve for Dinty Moore Stew and Pop Tarts which held me over 'til I got the first of a half-dozen short-term jobs.  Hitch-hiking is, by definition, all about the unpredictable and chance meetings.  Out of  hundreds of encounters, I'd say most were  positive, but a handful were downright unpleasant. My orange tent and nightly covert operations (to find a free place to sleep) added disproportionately to the latter group.

          Having explored about 35 states, I was headed north to Montana where I was hoping to land an outdoor job with a warm dry place to sleep at nights.  Yellowstone was my last hurrah before hanging up my backpack.  I got a ride through the southern entrance of the park and the quirky grey-haired driver said he could take me all the way to "Big Sky" country.  My memories are fuzzy regarding the driver but the car was another story.  It was old and what my mother would have called a "death trap."  I increasingly felt its grip.  As we were driving through the tight mountainous turns with beautiful vistas, the worry-free driver periodically had to pump the brakes repeatedly before they would catch.  Other times they'd catch the first time and we'd lunge forward or skid.  He assured me that all was well - "probably just a bad slave cylinder."  Hours into the ride I thought repeatedly - this is how I'm going to die.  And then I saw the sign - "Old Faithful - 5 miles."  I immediately blurted out - "Oh, I've always wanted to see Old Faithful," and the guy seemed ok with the detour.  After a long five miles, he pulled into the Old Faithful Inn parking lot and said "go check it out" but added " I can't wait forever."  I reassured him I was in no hurry and  wanted to take it all in.  I thanked him for the ride and watched him sputter away.

                                 (My room was at the top of the stairs to the left)

     At this point in my life I didn't have a five-year plan.  I knew I didn't like anchors and was intrigued by the "Help Wanted" sign as I walked through the enormous old log structure. It was late Friday afternoon as I made my way to the staff employment office.  I had just started reading the sizable list of postings on the door when it opened  and a young brunette with a great smile asked - "can I help you?"  I told her I was checking out what kind of openings she had and then she asked  "what kind of work are you looking for?"  I told her my father had a motel in Aspen and I'd done all kinds of work there on school breaks over the past two years.  She just lit up responding - "which motel- I'm from Aspen?"  Well we went on to have a lively conversation about our favorite town and our adventures there.  And then she conceded - "I'm not sure you'd like any of those jobs but I just got an opening for a bartender-trainee in this inn."  She went on to describe the position and the perks including having my own room adjoining the top portion of the 84 foot high lobby.  And I could eat in the "staffeteria" where the offerings were actual prepared meals - three per day!  I was sold and started training the following Monday.... I ended up loving the job and the hiking was spectacular.  The park was where I reconnected with nature and  I stayed through the end of the season.  In October my backpack and I were back on the road again.

      I don't remember the name of the guy with the bad brakes and I don't  recall the name of the kindred spirit who took the extra half hour to sign me up for a great job.  I DO however remember that when I hitch-hiked out of the park - I did not head north.

How does a kindergartner KNOW anything?

  

    "I ask my Mom or my Dad," would be a typical child's response.  But, does the tooth fairy or Santa Clause come to mind?  Pre-schoolers don't understand that if they get all of their information from two sources, they will never understand the complexities of human interactions. They haven't learned how to scrutinize things like conflicts of interest or ulterior motives.   A child rarely understands or values true expertise in part because they've never had any.  We can't expect a child to understand nuance, filters, or confirmation bias because they typically won't really dissect these until high school or college, if at all.

      Children may not understand that different experiences and role models mold us as we mature and interpret the small or large world around us.  Things like fear and distrust may motivate some while greed motivates lots of others.  And then there are those whose primary agenda is to relieve suffering - regardless of the costs.  Our mindsets are unique and we should be slow to project ours on someone else.  A child struggles with "knowing" because they struggle with complexity.

     HOW ABOUT ADULTS?

     

     

So Much Water Over The Dam

     We moved from the mountains of upstate New York where we lived for 32 years to the fields of Wisconsin - and that is now a part of our family's history.  The reason was simple - our daughter and family, including a grandson with special needs, were struggling.  But the choice was very difficult - and for so many reasons.  Shortly after we moved the pandemic arrived.

     My music was not only on the back burner, but the stove was a thousand miles away!                

     This spring I noticed that daily reports of gun violence in the news had become so commonplace that I rarely thought about the heartache for countless families and friends.  Posturing regarding gun control has replaced any hint of actual discussions about the root causes  and complexity of the problem.  I felt compelled to update and record a song I wrote two years ago.  

     It's called "ManCard- A Parody" and I hope you check it out.  It highlights in a humorous manner a significant component of a deadly problem.  

       "Mancard" - described by some as: 

                 " powerful"

                            "clever"

                                   "like something Phil Ochs would write."

Imagine a cure for a major impotence

     a dreaded disease or a social emotion

A strapped on appendage alive and in motion

     We call it the second amendment .....

Comments and discussion are welcome

     

           

Today's a Gift

Sometimes life seems to consist of putting out one fire after another while trying to "get things done"- as if that's why we're here.  On reflection, I've realized I have no idea why I'm here - unless it's something as simple as savoring life, while making the challenges of our fellow travelers a little easier. Regarding the latter, I struggle with the nagging question - when is enough... enough?  Maybe that's not the million dollar question, however.

Maybe there's a more pressing question for some of us - the one to ask before we can move on toward trying to save the world...... When do we have enough ourselves that we can and should start worrying about others - "the least of these" that Jesus spoke of.  I really think the answer to that question is built upon the concept of gratitude and perspective.

I wrote a song about this and just today finished producing my companion music video entitled - "TODAY'S A GIFT".       May it add some blessings to your day.

Today's A Gift (First World Problems)

TODAY"S A GIFT (First World Problems)   by Mark VanLaeys

Chorus
          TODAY'S A GIFT AND I'M GONNA BE GRATEFUL FOR FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.
                   I'VE GOT ENOUGH BLESSINGS TODAY THAT I GET TO PASS SOME ON.
   
Well I've worked ten hours and for meager pay
     and I'm cold and drenched to the bone
but I've got a job and I'll eat tonight,
     and tomorrow's winds will blow that rain away.

CHORUS

Well it starts out so fine as the new sun is risin'
     and the coffee is good - it's actually great.
but I open the door and the floor mat is yelling -
      "I can't believe that dang newspaper's late.

CHORUS

The kids are sick with colds and my back is achin"
     and the car needs new tires to be safe.
But we've got a ride and a Doc in the box,
     and I'm sure that we'll be fine if we just wait.

CHORUS

My wife's so tired of dirty laundry always more,
     and stacks of bills we barely pay.
but we've got a roof and clear drinking water,
     and a toilet flushing all our deeds away.

Chorus
 
Thank you for watching - and enjoy your gift of This day,
             Mark

Sometimes it Sucks Being an Empath!

     Yesterday I ran into an old acquaintance/ friend.  It's probably been 15 years since I've communicated with him and I was kind of caught off guard when he asked - - "How have you been doing?"  Not having an hour to answer, I gave the usual "I'm fine... how bout you". I did not mention that personally I am doing great with abundant food, a warm home, steady income, lots of love etc.. He told me about a couple serious health problems he'd been working through and I offered him my two cents as his former healthcare provider.
     I could tell from the Facebook posts I'd previously seen that he sees the world through a different set of filters than I do. Most of his posts revolve around the difference between"us" the people who think and look like him and those that don't. How can a person tell another that they can't buy into the working narrative that we're fundamentally different.
     My daughter is struggling with the challenges of having a full time job which stretches through days and into nights while she's caring for two young children - one a special needs child.  My wife flew out west yesterday to help her for a week - and I'm feeling a bit guilty for hanging back here in New York where I do volunteer work with the disabled - including veterans and the children of strangers.  Though my daughter and her pre-schoolers are clearly my family, things get complicated when I try to discern where my family ends and someone else's begins.  I've never been good at that.

                                                                   

     A couple years ago I came across a quote to the effect - "a parent's never happier than their least happy child".  What does one do if they can't draw a simple, arbitrary line between their biological children and others.  Somebody tell me how in 2019 I am supposed to answer  - "so how are you", when so many children and their parents are hurting so immeasurably?