Boundaries Are Good

  “Good Fences Make Good Neighbors” - Robert Frost

    

     Wayne is one of my best friends here in our small mid-west town and we have much in common. He is very active in local causes that help the poor and disadvantaged.  Like me, he’s done a considerable amount of volunteer work outside our country as well.  We go to the same UCC church. We’ve enjoyed working together doing things like mounting the wings on my ultralight, or just plain shooting the breeze over crisp bacon and eggs.  Speaking of shooting, we’re both gun owners who would never support taking away the second amendment.  However, he’s worked for twenty plus years as an FBI agent and I’ve worked for 35 years as a physician assistant.  I’ve spent thousands of hours in emergency and operating rooms and others in two camps for war refugees.  We’ve both seen first hand what bullets can do and yet we have widely different views on gun violence … and a few other hot button topics.

     

     Well one fine day, George and I were having a nice, low key discussion and it drifted toward something political.  Over the course of ten minutes it became progressively more heated and he put up his hands signaling - “Time Out”.  I’m frankly not used to that.  He then followed up with - ”I value our friendship way too much to continue this conversation.” With minimal reflection, I not only agreed but especially appreciated his mentally stepping back and establishing boundaries.  This was a most valuable lesson for me.

     

     Every conversation or transaction I partake in has risks, benefits, and opportunity costs.  I have the option of taking the driver’s seat when I see boulders ahead.  How would things be different if every time I witnessed an interaction going sour, I merely stepped back and interjected the thought or words  - What’s the most important thing to take away from this moment?”